Day Four

Warning: The following is the "real" part of my journey. Not the thought provoking or spiritual part. Just the down and dirty part of my day.

And Then.....

Our day was going great. We went to a family birthday party and then we headed to church for "Trunk and Treat" We had fun. We ate candy, played games, jumped, danced and sang to The Lads. I was feeling like I had given my girls the opportunity for a fun-filled day.
AND THEN we got in the van to go home.

It's like the van door holds special powers to suck all what's good and happy about my kids and leaves them with only nasty, pesty and mean attitudes. And then gives them full lungs to scream, cry and yell all the way home.

I know I am not the only mom who has gone through this. My van is not the only possessed vehicle on the road. But tonight felt personal. I don't know why I allow my girls to affect me the way they did tonight. I just wanted to go home and crawl under my blankets and let someone else be the one they are mad at. It's not like I don't have enough on my plate...mom, dad, cook, maid, taxi driver, butler, nurse,etc. Now I get to be the object of their anger. Why? Because I am here and Daddy is not.

Yes, my fuse is shorter lately. Thank you G for pointing that out to me today. Like I didn't notice that myself. I felt like I was slapped in the face with ungratefulness. What am I to do? Never let them leave the house again? I can't say how much of their behaviour is brought about by just plain old naughtiness and how much is because they miss having Daddy here.
I don't like going home either at the end of the day. There is nothing there waiting for us. No new face, no new set of hands, no new set of ears to hear the crying and fighting for you. I can understand, but I don't know how to fix it. It's way too early in this year for me to be feeling this low.

Father God, I am needing you tonight. Please help me to see my girls the way You do. Help me to hear what they are really needing. I can't make them happy but Father I can help them find Your joy. Please work in me so I can radiate Your love, shine Your light, and be Your arms to comfort. Please forgive me for allowing myself to lose my patience and act like a child. I thank you God for sending Your Son to endure the countless slaps in the face of ungratefulness so that I can be saved and have eternal life with you. Thank you Jesus for taking my anger and my sin all on Yourself because You loved me more than I can ever understand.  In Jesus name, amen.