Day One hundred and twenty-four

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" ~~Nietzsche

"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matt. 11:28-30

"Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from Him." Ps. 62:1

"What is mankind that You are mindful of them, human beings that You care for them? You have made them a little lower than the angels and crowned them with glory and honor. You made them rulers over the works of Your hands; You put everything under their feet."       Ps. 8:4-6


I am so thankful that God has chosen to make Himself available to me. He has opened His heart and arms to love me. Without Him, so many things would be impossible. The crazy thing is that I didn't do anything to deserve His grace, love and redemption. It was through His grace and mercy that He gave of Himself for me. 

These last 5 days have been really hard. Emotionally I am spent. Physically I am tired. Mentally I am fried. But I find hope in God alone. My dad is terminally ill with stage 4 liver cancer that has spread to his bones. He was diagnosed almost 18 months ago. While he has had his ups and downs during this time, he has beaten the prognosis that 2 doctors have given him. He was even able to return to work part-time 3 days a week. He lives with major pain everyday, but last week it came and took over. Since then each day has been filled with trying to find ways to help ease the pain. It has not been as succesful as he has wanted. More and more medication has been added to his already numerous pill count. We are hoping that the new mixture of med's will help him.

Here's to a new day tomorrow. One that will be made new by God.

""May the God of hope fill you (me) with all joy and peace as you (I) trust in Him, so that you (I) may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" Romans 15:13.

Day One hundred and twenty-three

Today's blog is brought to you by guest poster's Grace and Addie. Of all the things they have to say, this is the story they wished to share with everyone.

Today we were thinking about Ruby and all the funny things she has said and done. So I am going to tell you my favirot story about her.
One day while mom was in her bedroom Ruby pooped in the potty. Ruby did not wipe but pulled up her pants and came into mom's room. Then she pulled down her pants and told mom she needed to be wiped and mom said, to go into the bathroom and waite for her. Since Ruby's pants were at her ankles she waddled. As she waddled into the bathroom she said, "Hay Mom, I'm walking like a grandma!" The End.

So there you have it. Ruby brings so much laughter, head shaking, and shoulder shrugging to our lives. We all love her so much!

Day One hundred and twenty-two

To say it was a hard day would be giving today too much credit. If I could multiply myself several times things would be much easier. At least I wouldn't be failing at every role I have all the time.

One for me. One for my hubby. One for Grace. One for Addie. One for Ruby. One for Zoe. One for cleaning. One for cooking. One for helping out friends. One for taking care of my dad. One for donating a kidney to my friend's hubby. One for fun and One for sleeping.

So many needs and demands. So many things to do. So many....everything. I feel pulled in so many ways. Each one just as important as the other (at least it feels like it). I want to "Be all that I can be". I want to be there for everyone. I want to help. But wanting to and having the capability to help are 2 different things.

Day One hundred and twenty-one

Physically tired. Mentally exhausted. Emotionally drained. Good night.

Day One hundred and twenty

Someone must have been praying for us tonight. The night was headed for turmoil but then it miraculously changed it's course and ended up being a good evening.

After being stuck in the van with my crabby  wonderful children for 2 hours for what should have been a 45 minute ride, I pulled into the garage and made a break for it. Guess what, they followed me in. Arguing, yelling, screaming and crying...they all came in one by one. 

My spunky 4 year old caused so much drama in the van that she single-handedly brought out the bad in each of us . My normally sweet 8 year old ended up in an especially foul mood. Wow. That girl can yell. I even got an "I can't even believe you have any friends Mom, I mean I really can't believe it!"  Can you feel the love?!

While I proceeded to try and calm down and make dinner, I sent the 2 trouble makers to their rooms and then I moved them into the same room so they could learn to love each other. By the time dinner was finally served (it was almost 7) things had simmered down considerably. The girl's had new attitudes, Mommy had a new attitude and the angels in heaven were singing. We even were able to read a devotion book together before bed. Talk about a complete turn around.

So, thank you whoever you are. Thank you for saying a prayer for us. Heaven knows that it had nothing to do with me!

Day One hundred and nineteen

Wordless Wednesday~~"Sticky Clean"
One beautiful morning as I was sitting at one end of the table working on the computer, Zoe was sitting at the other end eating waffles for breakfast. I heard her saying "Wash. Wash. Wash."  I thought she had grabbed a napkin and was wiping the table in front of her off. That would be what she usually does, but not this time. This is what I saw when I looked up.

That would be syrup she is rubbing all over her hands and table.

Talk about a sticky situation. Oy vey!!

Day One hundred and eighteen

I have thoughts churning in my head. Words I've heard from 2 people I love have started on a course of their own concerns and cares. I need wisdom for one and peace for another. This is once again a time when it would be nice to have super powers. If that were the case today I would like to be called~~Super Fix-it Woman: able to conquer any problem for anyone at anytime. No problem too big or too small. Whether it's emotional distance or physical distance, Super Fix-it Woman can remedy it all!!

I know it's silly, immature and leaning toward trying to be God, but I just wish I could ease the pain of the people I love. 

Heavenly Father,
    You know the needs of Your children. You know when their hearts hurt because Your's hurts right along with theirs. Lord, I ask that You would draw near to them, let them feel Your arms around them bringing them peace. Even though the situations can not change, I know You can help the needs. Give us all strength to get up in the morning and make it through one more day. Renew our hope.
In Your precious name, Amen

Day One hundred and seventeen

Last night Grace celebrated her 11th birthday with a slumber party with her friends. 6 fun, crazy and silly girls running around the house laughing and squealing. They started the night making glass necklaces with Mrs. Beeson (one of my friends' moms who is a glass artist). Watching the creativity flow out of each girl was so fun to see. Each one had their own ideas, their own style and their own way to work. I can't wait to see how their works of art turn out after they have spent time in a kiln to fuse together.

Here are some fun highlights of the night:

Playing  the game "Guess What I am!"

Learning how to cut glass.

Trying it out themselves.

Working on their designs.

Some of the beautiful glass we were able to work with.

Zoe used her creativity on Play-doh.

She was so good while the big girls made

their necklace's

MMMMM brownies!

Day One hundred and sixteen

Happy Birthday Chris!!!

Chris,

     We thought about you all day today. Did you hear us singing "Happy Birthday"? We tried to sing our very loudest. Zoe even learned the word "birthday".

     This morning we celebrated your birthday by going and getting donuts before church just like you would do when I worked the weekend. We went to Ollie's but there were none. So we went to UStop. Again nothing. Hy-Vee was our last option. Although we were sad we couldn't get LaMars donuts, you would be happy to know that I ate an apple fritter on your behalf.

     We really miss you. Today especially. I would love to be making you your favorite dinner. Steak smoothered with sauteed mushrooms, mashed potatoes and gravy, homemade beer bread, and a veggie thrown in for the rest of us. Followed by rich chocolaty brownies with ice cream for dessert. Cooking for you is one of my favorite things to do.

     I hope you know that when you come home we will be making up for all of the things you missed while serving our country. You will get a Christmas breakfast, Valentine's date, Birthday dinner, Anniversary date and yes some fishing with your buddies.

     We love you and miss you everyday. But we are doing our best because we know you are doing your best. Knowing that you are over there taking care of us, we can get up in the morning and go about our day. While it's not the same without you here, your fingerprints are all around us. I see you in our girls' sense of humor, in their blue eyes, in the way they smile, in their ability to kick my butt at UNO, in the way they laugh when they "toot", and in their love for me. Your prints are everywhere.

     Here's to a wonderful birthday even with all the miles between us and to an even better one next year when we will all be together.

     Hugs and Kisses,

          All of your girls!

Day One hundred and fifteen

*~"Chris" and Grace's Family Birthday Brinner Party~*

Grace really likes owls.

Chris' cake. Doesn't it look like him?!

Grandma and Zoe. Hugs.

"Happy Birthday To You"

Elah helps Grace and Uncle "Chris" blow out

their candles.

Tenzin doesn't want to miss out on any ice cream.

Licking his tray clean.

He can't believe he ate the whole thing.

Day One hundred and fourteen

When is lasagna, chicken enchiladas, and chicken noodle soup more than just food?

When can food not only nourish the body but fill the soul?

When can simple ingredients blended together create such a feeling of love that it is almost overwhelming?


The answer is the same for all three questions. It's when the food is made with love by people who care about you.

In the 114 days that Chris has been gone there have been 3 wonderful families from my girls' school that have called us up and said "Hey, we have a meal for you". Those 7 little words were like winning a lottery. So what's so special about 3 meals? 

Those 3 meals meant that someone else was thinking about me, caring about me, and showing me love. It meant I had one less thing that I had to worry in my days of being both mom and dad.  There have been many days when dinner was the last thing on my mind, or when I just couldn't do one more thing physically or emotionally. Some people may think that I am just being a baby or something, but until you have been in the shoes of an Army wife with children then you may not understand.

Tonight I was given some yummy chicken noodle soup, veggies, fruit, biscuits and even dessert. All because a friend knew I have not been feeling well for the last few days. She saw that I had a need and did what she could to help me out. Not only did it taste wonderful, it felt so good on my fiery throat. This meal feed a lot more than my stomach.

I have been talking to a small group of other military moms and asking them how people can reach out and help them. Having someone bring them a meal or invite them to eat a meal with their family was the number one answer. The rest of their answers will be shared in a future post. There is something about food that lifts the spirit.

Thank you so much to the awesome families at Faith who have shown us so much love with your thoughtfulness and yummy food. It wasn't just food you gave us, but a big hug as well. Please know that your kindness will be paid forward.

Day One hundred and thirteen

I don't have much to say tonight. My throat is totally killing me. It feels like it was scratched by a nasty cat and then set on fire.  And nothing seems to soothe it.
Cough drops.....nope
Throat spray.....nope
Ibuprofen.....nope
Warm tea with honey.....nope

Next on my list is straight honey right before bed. Maybe that will at least coat it long enough to fall asleep. Staying asleep is a whole other story. Last night I actually slept for 2 hours in a row. Then I saw every hour go by until my alarm went off. I am hoping for a least double tonight.

I went to the doctor on Wednesday and was tested for strep. Negative. So, I am going back to the doctor tomorrow. I will give him the option of either ripping my throat out or putting me out of my misery--whichever is faster.

So good night. Please log in a few hours of sleep for me. Thanks.
OH, I just thought if I eat some ice cream it might help numb it. MMMM my kind of remedy.

Day One hundred and twelve

Wordless Wednesday~~With each birthday that goes by, I think back to previous birthdays. I am amazed to see how much the girls change from one year to the next. Today's pictures are from a few of Gracie's past birthdays. Wow time flies!
P.S. Chris' birthday is 5 days after Gracie's so we celebrate them together with the family.

6th birthday.

7th birthday.

I just love this picture. Totally Grace!!

9th birthday. Sorry couldn't fine the 8th birthday.

10th birthday.

G's 10th birthday party.

Day One hundred and eleven

You know in the story of Cinderella when the clock strikes midnight and all the wonderful magical things the fairy god-mother does wears off? There is a certain time on my clock when I turn into something worse than a big fat pumpkin. It happens around 8:15pm.

All is usually going well before 8:00pm. I have asked the girls to get their pajama's on, go to the restroom, and brush their teeth ( I just threw that one in there so you would think that I was a good mommy. I usually forget that part. Now you know the ugly truth) As the minutes tick away closer to 8:15 I start to feel a little change coming over me. It's like a metamorphosis. Picture that horrible movie Teen Wolf when Michale J. Fox turns from normal good-looking teenager to a really ugly werewolf. My change is similar. Minus the good-looking, normal, and teen aged boy part and go with a middle-aged, tired, and slightly off my rocker mommy who changes into a Grumpy Old Troll.....who lives under the bridge. (Don't you just love my Dora the Explorer reference)

All of the sudden I just can't take it anymore. These little girls need to be quiet and in their beds. Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! is the mantra my brain says over and over again. Gone is the calm, loving mommy who cuddles, reads and sings my sweeties goodnight. In her place is a troll who just wants to be left alone. The troll still hugs, kisses and says goodnight prayers, but she does it too quickly and doesn't give the bedtime routine it's fair justice.

Unfortunately, the troll usually doesn't rear it's ugly head until after the good mommy puts Zoe to bed. For some reason putting her to bed is a joy. We rock, sing and she gives me hugs and nose kisses (Eskimo kisses). Maybe it's because she is my baby and I loved putting all my babies to bed. She doesn't cry, ask for one more drink, refuse to obey and not be in bed by the time I get upstairs. She has an easy and enjoyable routine.

Next on my good-night list is Ruby and the troll begins to rear her ugly head. By the time I get to Grace and Addie the troll's big ol' self is out there. I hate that I don't let myself enjoy bedtime. I hate that on lots of nights the last thing the girls see is that stupid troll. I hate that I let my selfishness of just wanting to be by myself in the quiet take precedence over being there for the girls at bedtime.

Lord,
I know You give me the strength to make it through the entire day and night. I also know that it's been me who has hasn't tapped into that strength. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for still being faithful and for not leaving me. Please help me remember to use strong words. Words that lift up, encourage, and make the girls stronger.
I am sorry for being such a stinky mom when I know I can choose to be better.
In Your name,
Amen.

Day One hundred and ten

Happy Valentine's Day!

I have to say that I have the best Valentine in the whole world. He is wonderful, thoughtful, and sweet, even when he is way too far away.

Chris had flowers delivered to the girl's at school.

Then Ruby, Zoe and I got a delivery at home.

Today also marks the last day that I will have my Grace as a ten year old. Where does the time go? I still remember that Valentine's Day 11 years ago. Chris and I attended our last Lamaze class. What a way to spend our last Valentine's alone. Grace was due the very next day. We came home and I went straight to bed. About an hour or two later I woke up with a "stomach ache" I thought I was gassy from the gumbo Chris made for dinner. I called my doula to get her opinion of what was going on. Surprisingly she said she was on her way over. By 3:30 am we were at the hospital and I was dilated to 7. I was shocked. 45 minutes later I was 9, then 10. After 2 hours of pushing without drugs my sweet Gracie Girl came into the world at 7:20 on February 15th.

Grace turned me into a mother. Her birth gave birth to my dream of being a mommy and turned into a reality. My life has never been the same and I am truly blessed for it. 

Grace,

Good night my sweet 10 year old. Mommy loves you so much. May your 11th year of life be one filled with growing in the knowledge of how much God loves you and how special He sees you. May you never doubt the love your dad and I have for you. You brighten our world.

I love you sweetheart! xoxox Mommy.

Day One hundred and nine

What a beautifully sunny day! 64 degrees felt like spring. The girls went outside to enjoy the sunshine. Addie took the camera and caught a few moments of smiles and sunglasses. The day was so bright that my water heater thought it was solar powered and decided to stop working on its own. Who needs hot water anyway right?!? Guess I will be heating water on the stove until the plumber comes.

Day One hundred and eight

I had the pleasure of babysitting my friend's 2 little sweeties tonight. My kids were so excited to have them over. All the kids had a blast and my friend's were able to go out for a yummy birthday/Valentine's dinner.

We ate homemade pizza.

We danced.

We painted.

Finished products.

We decorated cupcakes.

We ate the cupcakes.