Day Fifty-eight

It's not surprising that I've been thinking a lot about Christmas lists. Lists of idea's of gifts for the girls and other family members. Lists of things T0-Do to get ready for Christmas eve, day, day after and the day after that. But one list has turned out a little different then I thought it would a few months ago. 

In September I wrote out a Christmas list of ideas that I would like for Christmas. I get asked what I want for Christmas from various family members and I never know what to say. So I decided that I would write down the ideas when they popped in my head. On my list were 2 things. 1. Chris to be home  2. A Belgium waffle maker

My list now looks different. I began to think about the first time Chris was deployed. I didn't want him to go then either. After begging, pleading, crying and pouting, he had to go anyway. I was mad. I didn't understand why my prayers weren't answered. Why did Chris have to go away for so long? Didn't God remember that I had 2 small girls and a lot to deal with? It wasn't until he got home that I understood the why.

While Chris was in Iraq, he helped design, create and install armor on humvee's for the gunners to sit in while riding on the back of it. He and his group of guys worked very hard and tried many different ideas. They then came up with one that worked so good that units from other bases were coming to them to have it installed on their humvees. Prior to their idea, there was not a safe place for the gunner to be during convoys. One soldier even came up to Chris to tell him that his armor design saved his life. The military was so impressed with Chris that he was awarded a Bronze Star.

According to the U.S. Army a "Bronze star is awarded to any person who, while serving in any capacity in or with the Army of the United States, distinguished himself or herself by heroic or meritorious achievement or service, in connection with military operations against an armed enemy; or while engaged in military operations involving conflict with an opposing armed force in which the United States is not a belligerent party." 

That's what made me understand. Chris had a job to do. He had a mission planned by God to accomplish. Chris helped save lives. I truly believe that if God would have answered my prayer and kept Chris home with me there would be wives who's husbands would not have come home. There would be kids who would never get to see their Daddy again. Mother's who's son would not be returning home. My answered pray would be someone else's worst nightmare. That realization really impacted me. Who was I to try and interfere in God's plan?

I do not get to be in control. I can not always see the whole picture God is painting. But I can learn to trust in Him even when I don't understand or know what is going on. That is so hard for me. I like to know exactly what will be happening, when it will happen, and what the outcome will be. I can have my idea of what is going on, but since I only see a small part of the picture my vision is skewed.

My wishes/prayers now on my list are 1. Chris would be able to accomplish all that God has planned for him.  2. That God would keep him safe and allow him to come home. 3. I still would like a Belguim waffle maker.

 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11