You know in the story of Cinderella when the clock strikes midnight and all the wonderful magical things the fairy god-mother does wears off? There is a certain time on my clock when I turn into something worse than a big fat pumpkin. It happens around 8:15pm.
All is usually going well before 8:00pm. I have asked the girls to get their pajama's on, go to the restroom, and brush their teeth ( I just threw that one in there so you would think that I was a good mommy. I usually forget that part. Now you know the ugly truth) As the minutes tick away closer to 8:15 I start to feel a little change coming over me. It's like a metamorphosis. Picture that horrible movie Teen Wolf when Michale J. Fox turns from normal good-looking teenager to a really ugly werewolf. My change is similar. Minus the good-looking, normal, and teen aged boy part and go with a middle-aged, tired, and slightly off my rocker mommy who changes into a Grumpy Old Troll.....who lives under the bridge. (Don't you just love my Dora the Explorer reference)
All of the sudden I just can't take it anymore. These little girls need to be quiet and in their beds. Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! is the mantra my brain says over and over again. Gone is the calm, loving mommy who cuddles, reads and sings my sweeties goodnight. In her place is a troll who just wants to be left alone. The troll still hugs, kisses and says goodnight prayers, but she does it too quickly and doesn't give the bedtime routine it's fair justice.
Unfortunately, the troll usually doesn't rear it's ugly head until after the good mommy puts Zoe to bed. For some reason putting her to bed is a joy. We rock, sing and she gives me hugs and nose kisses (Eskimo kisses). Maybe it's because she is my baby and I loved putting all my babies to bed. She doesn't cry, ask for one more drink, refuse to obey and not be in bed by the time I get upstairs. She has an easy and enjoyable routine.
Next on my good-night list is Ruby and the troll begins to rear her ugly head. By the time I get to Grace and Addie the troll's big ol' self is out there. I hate that I don't let myself enjoy bedtime. I hate that on lots of nights the last thing the girls see is that stupid troll. I hate that I let my selfishness of just wanting to be by myself in the quiet take precedence over being there for the girls at bedtime.
Lord,
I know You give me the strength to make it through the entire day and night. I also know that it's been me who has hasn't tapped into that strength. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for still being faithful and for not leaving me. Please help me remember to use strong words. Words that lift up, encourage, and make the girls stronger.
I am sorry for being such a stinky mom when I know I can choose to be better.
In Your name,
Amen.
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