Day One hundred and thirty-four

 "I will declare that Your love stands firm forever, that You have established Your faithfulness in heaven itself."  Ps. 89:2

"Who is like You, LORD God Almighty? You, LORD, are mighty, and Your faithfulness surrounds You." Ps. 89:8
  
"Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens, Your faithfulness to the skies!" Ps 36:5


These verse's scream the faithfulness God has shown me in this last week. It amazes me how the big circumstances can pretty much stay the same and yet God's mighty hand can come in tweak a few things and make everything so much better.

Last Wednesday I spent most of the day in tears. I was already tired and overwhelmed and then I got a call that my uncle had passed away. He had been sick and in the hospital but I had no idea he would be going to heaven so soon. I was trying to talk to Chris via skype and we lost our connection at least a half dozen times. Each time we lost each other it was in the middle of me crying and needing to hear his voice. I needed to feel his arms around me holding me.

I broke down. I bawled. You know that ugly cry you never want anyone to see you doing? Well, that's what I did. I was crying out to God. I kept saying "I need You. I need You!" over and over again.

God, in His faithfulness and grace, heard my cries. In the past two days He has shown His love to me. Chris and I have been able to have more conversations than lost connections. We've been able to actually talk long enough to get past the "How are the kids?", "Did you get the oil in the van changed yet?", and "What are you doing today?". Chris is my sounding board, my rational thinker, my comman sense man. He calms me down when I get too emotional. He makes me laugh. God knew I needed Chris.

God also knew I needed time to be home. From last Wednesday to today I have only been home for 3 1/2 days. (I know that may sound like a lot to some but to me it was not enough time) Most of that time was spent driving here and there, dropping the kids off here and there so I could run errands for my dad, visisting a hospice facility 2x, and going to Walgreens over and over again. Oh, I did throw in a doctor appointment for me too. I was being given a hard time for not taking enough care of myself, so I broke down and made an appointment. I'm glad I did. I feel so much better now that I have been on the right med's.
Yesterday and today I have been home. Laundry is getting done. Dishes are caught up. The little girls are having fun being home playing.

I feel renewed. I feel heard. I feel loved.