Day Six

It's only been six days, but it feels longer than that.
I thought I would start out being stronger than I am. Each day seems to put me a little further down in the dumps. Oh, I start out in the morning fine. Get the girls up, fed, and out the door for school. Come home do laundry, feed the 2 little girls, do dishes, etc. Put the girlies down for a nap. Wake them up and go get the big girls from school. That's all part of my day that I am used to doing all by myself. Then 5pm hits.

Now I realize that 5 o'clock in any one's house is not the best time of day. It's like all the "crabbies" have been hiding just waiting for this moment in the day when all the humans are tired and hungry. Then they come out and smack everyone in the back of the head. And then run back to their hiding spots to watch the mayhem they've created.

This is also the time when Chris usually comes home. Just his presence alone can get rid of most of the "crabbies".  I am used to Chris coming home and after a while of settling in either help with dinner or be with the kids. Our evenings are really a 2 person job. Well, now it's just me, and my motivation is zapped.

For example tonight, I had a wonderful dinner that I planned on making: Chicken Stir-fry with jasmine rice. After getting home at 5:30pm, sending the oldest to take a shower, changing the youngest's diaper, telling R that "NO" she can not have another snack (for the 15th time since 4pm), listening to everyone talk at the same time, trying to console a crying Z (her "crabbies" smack her with crying fits), and wanting just to crawl into bed and hid for the night I decided that I did not have enough energy to make my lovely dinner.  So we had fish sticks and mac'n cheese (I do get some points for it being organic)

Yes, I do know that I could have just planned ahead during my day. Done some prep work and things would have all worked out perfectly. I know this may sound lame, but I just didn't want to. My gumption is gone. Each day that Chris has been gone I feel a little bit sadder. I realize that the end of this road is really a long way away. There's no "it will be different next week" or "next month"  I still have 12 months to go! The idea of that is just so overwhelming.

I do take comfort in knowing that God is right there with me in the trenches. It would just be nice if He would shoo away the "crabbies" or send one of His angels to come and be with me until I put the kids to bed. For now I am going to just keep praying, keep relying on God, and keep marking off the days until Chris is here.

"Cast your cares on the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken." Ps. 55:22