Day Ten

Well, it's done. I did the last load of Chris' laundry. There are no more dirty socks, jeans or 
t-shirts to show that he was here. Except for the t-shirts the girls will wear when they are missing there daddy and the one I sleep with every night. (It was the last one he wore)

I know this sounds dumb or weird to other people, but until you've been there you might not understand. Having Chris' laundry to do means he is here. It means he wakes up, showers, goes to work, comes home, takes off his dirty socks and leaves them wherever they happen to fall, eats dinner with us, plays games, hugs and kisses the girls goodnight, and cuddles with me on the couch while we watch NCIS.  Not having his dirty clothes in the hamper anymore is kind of sad. You wouldn't normally think that having less laundry would cause someone sadness. I guess I am weird like that.

This summer I participated in a women's Bible study where we went through the book Secrets, Transforming your life and marriage by Kerry Clarensau.  That book started changing the way I see Chris.  It helped me understand our differences as being something good instead of causing conflict. I gained a newly founded respect for who Chris really is. Not just as my husband, but as a man created by God. I began to see how I set the mood for our home. What does all of this have to do with laundry?

Before this summer when I would find Chris' dirty socks all rolled up and dumped in various places around house I would get so mad. I would grumble and complain aloud saying how I wasn't the maid and why can't you pick up after yourself. Which put me in a rotten mood. That rotten mood would transfer to Chris and then to the girls. So when Chris would ask something of me I would think "you don't deserve anything. you can't even help by taking care of your own stuff."  Then I read this in the book "genuine love offers no conditions-it simply loves. It is conveyed in every word we speak, every expression on our face, and even in the tone of our voice...The truth is, the choice to love is not based on the goodness of the recipient, but on the character of the giver."

I began to see how it was me who was not being loving. It was me that would choose to get angry and hold a grudge. Chris didn't have some big plan to tick me off by leaving socks all around the house. Far from it! I don't even think he noticed that he did it. I would like to think that he did it because he felt so comfortable with being at home that he would just relax, slip off his shoes and socks and enjoy being with us. I also began to see those socks as a reminder of how hard Chris works for our family, how he chooses to come home everyday after work to be with his family, and how fortunate I was to be able to be a stay-at-home mom and be able to take care of him and our girls. Those socks meant Chris was here.

To be totally honest, my attitude hasn't automatically changed on its own. I have to choose to see those socks differently. There are times when I still get frustrated, but then I step back and God reminds me to see them for what they really are to me.

"Genuine love isn't something we can generate on our own. We are dependent upon the Holy Spirit to empower us to love unconditionally...When we choose to do what's right, we can be sure that God will give us the strength to show love even in difficult situations."
-Kerry Clarensau