Day Seventy-four

Patience: 1. the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.

I have been short on patience and long on frustration lately.

You've heard the line "Don't ask for patience because God will give something to be patient about."Well, I've been praying that God would help me be more patient, hoping that by changing the words around a little I would be skipping the "given something to be patient about" part. Silly me! It feels like my kids have been more whiny, more crabby, and more disobedient since I started praying.

I started to complain to myself. Why can't they just listen or stop being so crabby?!?!? Why do they push my buttons and put me over the edge?!?!? Why do they have to talk sooooo much?!?!? I found a way to make it the kids fault and not my own.

On a related note; I have been wanting to lose weight, tighten my abs and other body parts. I started working out about 2x a week thinking that would take care of it. I tried to make better food choices but that's really hard. I just want it to happen. No work, no trying, no sacrifice. 

What do those 2 topics have to do with each other?  Without putting in the hard work neither one will ever happen. Just like I can't just "poof!" be skinnier and have a flat tummy; I can't just wish I was more patient and automatically be patient. I have to exercise my body and my patience. I have to work my ab muscles so they tighten up. I have to work my patience muscles so they can become stronger and can endure through the workout of being a mom.
I am realizing that by God giving me more to be patient about He is actually answering my prayer to be more patient. As much as I hate this revelation, I can't change it.

I feel like I have done so much "wrong" when it comes to being patient that I don't know how I can change my habits. Even worse I expect my kids to be who I am not--a patient and kind person in all circumstances. I hear me tell my girls to do the very things that I don't do--"Don't get angry just walk away" "Don't yell at your sister just because you are mad at her or don't like what she is doing" "Can't you  just wait until I am finished with what I am doing before I help you?" "Can't you all just stop talking and listen to me?" Ouch.

Making the choice to change is hard for me. I feel like there is so much on my plate and like I don't have any energy left. Can I really do this? Can I really change? I am right back to not wanting to put in the work it takes. I know my girls deserve a more patient mother. One that they want to be around. One that is calm and brings serenity into the home. I guess it just takes me deciding to change, putting one foot in front of the other, and allowing myself to have failures as long as I learn from them. 

So here I go. I have to make a choice. Be content to be flabby and crabby or work hard and become trim and tranquil.

Dear God,
You know my heart. You know the desire I have to be more patient with my girls. You also know how I struggle with wanting everything to happen immediately and be perfect. Lord, help me to be ok with seeing this as a journey and not as an overnight transformation. Help me to allow myself not to have to be perfect.
Oh Father, thank you for revealing to me that You have in fact been answering my prayers. Please give me the strength, the power, the desire and the gumption I need each day to be patient. Thank you for not giving me more than what You know I can handle. Thank you for not expecting me to do it all on my own. I know You will give me what I need to succeed.
In Your precious name, Amen.