I can't seem to get my thoughts in order tonight. So many things are running through my mind. I will just start typing and see what comes out. I just hope it makes sense.
Since this is a new year, so many people are talking about resolutions or goals they want to set for themselves. I don't usually participate because I know that I won't follow through. Over the last couple days I keep feeling the nudge to make a few goals for myself. I know that keeping the kids alive long enough to see their dad again, and remembering to pay the bills should be at the top of that list. But a few things even harder than that have been coming to my mind.
The first one is to watch what I say to my children (others too), make sure my words will build them up instead of tear them down . I had a great conversation with a friend of mine about this very topic. She shared with me some wisdom she read from another blog she follows http://www.aholyexperience.com/. This blog talked about using "Strong" words--"words that norish their bones and muscle their hearts." I am so not doing a good job at this. I need to have a better filter on the words that come out of my mouth and the tone I use to say them in. I need to be "quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." James 1:19. My girls are so worth the effort to stop and think before I speak. If you were to ask them to describe me I am positive things like: "Gets mad a lot", "Yells too much", and "Says mean things sometimes" would be listed. I want that to change. I want them to see what self-control looks like. I desire God to use the time that I have with them before they are grown and on their own to be full of words that shape and encourage their hearts.
The second one on my list may be even harder than the first. It is to talk better about myself. Not just when I am thinking things in my head but also when I say out loud "I am so dumb!" after making a mistake. I am my own worst enemy. No one can tear me down like I can. I am the champion. So, by following through on this goal I will, in fact, be failing at one of the few things I am good at. Considering that the list of things I am good at is so small, I am about 50/50 on whether or not I will go through with this one. I know I need to. I need to be a better example for my girls. I would never want them to treat themselves the way I have treated myself. They have started to notice that I don't say very nice things about me.
God, You are an amazing God. You created me with the ablility to speak and share what is in my mind and on my heart. Please help me to use that ability wisely; to say only what will strenghten others and myself. Where I see failure, God You see the posibility to grow. I can not do this with my own power. I need You to lead me and nudge me when I begin to lose my focus. Thank you God for never giving up on me. I love you.
Amen
I think these are good goals. Maybe you could use this blog as a way to practice goal #1? It seems like you are typing everyday, why not practice writing it out first. The more you think positively about someone, the more you believe it. Maybe tomorrow could be a list something positive about G, day. :)
ReplyDelete"Considering that the list of things I am good at is so small..." Maybe you could try goal #1 on yourself for goal #2? I can give you one thing-you are good at: making crafty things! You made C those super cute onesies and some nice glass presents for us girls in our fam this year!